Over the last day and a half, I have gotten email after email in my mail box with cards from the recent release of Topps Triple Threads. It seems as though Topps has taken it upon themselves to create some of the worst cards in the history of the football industry, mainly because there are so many lame ass die cuts that people just dont understand. Some of these jersey and autos are so horrendous that it is beyond the point of parody. Yes, this is the set people drool over. Im curious as to why that is the case.
Even if this is some sort of inside joke about Colt McCoy, its lame, stupid, and reminds me more of the candy, all of which is not becoming of a football card.
So, a play on “Kill Bill,” I get it. However, its a bad play. Spill Bill? What the fuck does that mean? Spiller and Bills, but still, shoot me in the face.
I had to do some Wikipedia work to even come close to finding out why this card was created. Seriously, he was born in Vegas. That is the connection here. I would love to see what they would do if someone was from Palestine Texas like Adrian Peterson. JIHAD!!!
Some one explain this one for me. I am literally at a loss for an explanation. 40 Carries TDs (40 CAR TDS)? 40 California Retards (40 CA RTDS)? No clue.
Someone missed the connotation with a vibrator. Im actually wondering what MJD would say if he saw this card.
This is a Topps Sterling level stupid stat. I dont fucking care that he was the youngest person to score a playoff TD. Why is this spelled out on a card? Gouge my eyes with a rusty fork nub.
MATT FORTE/DEVIN HESTER/EARL BENNETT
We are now creating cards centered around songs from Disney movie. Not only that, but this card features three smurfs? What is with the blue?
I know what the idiot who designed this card said this after creating this horrid excuse for a card. Guaranteed. He emailed it to all his design friends with one phrase. “See what I did there?” Yeah, lamest joke on a card ever. EVAR.
More Topps Sterling stupid stats. 317 Comps? Cmon. Might as well have said “3.2 YPC AVG 2ND SAT” instead. Fucking horrid.
Topps Guy 1: What do you have on Mathews?
Topps Guy 2: I got nothing. Kinda busy doing next year’s base Topps.
Topps Guy 1: Just break out the scouting report, im out of lame sayings.
Topps Guy 2: It says he has quick feet.
Topps Guy 1: Use it, lets go get a beer.
Topps Guy 1: We got one more, Mike Williams, then its happy hour time.
Topps Guy 2: …
Topps Guy 1: Ill just say he has size and speed. Thats about right.
Topps Guy 2: … Im leaving.
I saved this one for last because it is worse than any of the others. The Triple Threads XXIV cards are always the worst cards of the year, and it has everything to do with the fact that no one can fucking understand what these cards say. Regardless, even if you sat for five minutes and figured out that this says “31 Sacks In the Past 2 Season, Most by A LB in that Span,” would it even make a difference? Just a visual skull punch all around.
You also have to factor in that most of these cards are the BOX hit in a product that costs in upwards of 150 dollars, something that completely dumfounds me. This set is immensely popular because people think they will have a shot at one of the over 2700 1/1s. What they fail to realize is that the cards are lazily conceived and horribly put together, and even the big hits rarely make you any money. Let this be a lesson to all the people out there: when you have to proclaim that your product is “Unique and Innovative” on the PACKAGING, you have problems.